The Elephant In the Room, Pornography

Posted on August 24, 2014


When was the last time you heard or saw a minister hitting the subject of pornography head on, looking at the staff and congregation and asking the question, are we okay?  The reason I believe you do not hear or see too much on the issue is that the problem is so rampant and lots of people are living out the idiom of not throwing stones because they also live in a glass house. Please look at this link  The statistics are staggering that over 54% of pastors have looked at porn in the last year according to the report and many similar reports exist as well, some with higher percentages. In my personal experience as I have opened up with other ministers and they have opened up as well on our personal struggles and temptations and other dealings with porn, I have found it to be almost 100%. So what’s the deal? No one is talking, not much teaching, and no specialized Christian counseling in my city at all to my knowledge. A problem so epidemic yet little discussion? I made calls to some of the larger denominational churches in my city asking if they had a program or counseling for pornography addiction and the answer was no. The overwhelming silence is scary.


The Elephant In the Room

Pornography truly is the elephant in the room. With so many devices in so many places, these devices are the opportunity to view porn privately for anyone of any age. No longer is porn relegated to dark places in our society but possibly in the pocket of every smart phone user, piped right into your work station at your job, and available on the computer at home, porn is everywhere and so easy to access. With over 50% or more ministers, let alone the typical Christian guy occasionally or obsessively looking at porn, more than likely their guilt and shame keeps them suppressed in fighting this problem and places them on a roller coaster ride of freedom and bondage. I heard one person say that today an average person can stumble onto porn easier than a person that was actively looking for it twenty years ago.


The Stigma

There is such a stigma to the porn issue for a Christian man that seeking help and understanding seems almost improbable. I know I get myself in trouble when I start messing with American Christian’s sacred cows but many traditions in our western Christian life combined with the heavy influence women’s lib in America has distorted the home and marriage and changed the roles of men and women that many of issues of life become more exacerbated because of this. In our American Christian culture Abraham, Jacob, David, Judah, Solomon, and many others would be classified as womanizers and many of you would be doing everything you could do to get them on the sexual predator list. Excluding the Bathsheba situation, which David repented of and paid a price for with their first son, David was a man after God’s on heart that had many wives and concubines and was never rebuked by God in any way for his desire to have many women in his life. Often people say truly foolish things like, those were different times to excuse the behavior of David or say Abraham as if there was some pass on morality for that period of time compared to American and European traditions of today. There is nothing in the Word of God to back that up. Honestly did David have all those wives and concubines just because he wanted lots of children or was is it what his natural God given sex drive cried out for and in the position of leadership and wealth could afford to have that many women in his life? I suggest the latter. Let me ask if God never reproved David, Abraham, Jacob, Judah, or Solomon for all their women, then God must have reduced the sex drive in modern day man in a monogamous culture. Compounding things we now have a culture where many women punish or reward their man with or without sex in this monogamous culture, and then we wonder why porn is off the charts as well as other sexual deviant behavior. The public condemnation for men exposed looking at porn, especially when they are trying to live a Christian life is mostly merciless and very condemning, even to the point of labeling them or themselves, demonized. To come forward in this atmosphere is an overwhelming thought.


Let’s Pause

Many of you are most likely saying, is he secretly a Mormon, is he promoting polygamy, or I he just a blatant example of a male chauvinist and the answer is no, no and no. I am trying to be detailed using biblical examples as well as what we all have seen or experience in our culture. The purpose is to expose the power of pornography in our culture.  Having more wives does not, has not, and never will make a man more spiritual.  We are covering ground that is not covered much so much of this most will have never heard before, especially since most people do not know their Bibles.


Pent Up Sexual Drive

God created us to be sexual creatures and this sexuality has been and is intended to be part of relationships that are ones of commitment, marriage.  Never once do we read in the word of a man saying as he picked his bride, “That one looks like she would bare kids good and clean house well.” Often when the meeting of a man and women is mentioned in the Bible, it is celebrated as physical attraction and falling in love. In modern times the greatest example of pent up sexual drive is in the Catholic Church.  Both men and women that give their lives to serve God in the Catholic Church take a vow of celibacy.  There is nothing biblical about this vow being applied to everyone in ministry and it being mandatory to be a minister.  The vow is part of many Catholic traditions like monogamy that have influenced Christianity in Europe and the Americas. (Look it up!) This vow of celibacy places and undue burden upon the God given sexuality to both the men and women that take the vow.  Just like other things in life, some individuals handle the pent up desires well and others don’t. When this desires goes un-met it manifests with priests and nuns having secret sex and sadly priests molesting young boys. Historically many believe this has been happening in the Catholic Church for hundreds of years, nearly as long as celibacy has been a part of Catholicism. I believe with many marriages out of God’s order generates this pent up sexual need in many homes and unfortunately internet pornography is a readily available outlet today almost available everywhere creating this widespread problem.

The Drug of Choice

In my research I found to my surprise, that pornography literally becomes a drug addiction.  Obviously I am not a doctor of anything and at best a garage scientist, so please don’t rely on my expertise, but me point you to real experts. There are many things in life that release natural chemicals in our body that give us highs. I have heard that many people that have on going emotional issues like rejection, violent anger, and other issues that when things happen in their life there is a chemical release, so the experience, even if bad, gives a chemical high that they continue to look for and behave in a manner to reproduce the high again and again.  Even easier to understand is the release from a man viewing pornography.  With it being so easy to find and view the chemical high from pornography puts a deeper hook into man.  A rough home life makes this man look for this high to cure all his needs after time. Like an alcoholic that looks for a drink after rough day, the porn/chemical addict looks for porn as his escape to all his problems. Caught or suspected, many are pushed even deeper instead of helped.


The Cure

There are many ministries that fight internet pornography and this has gone on for years. If the source could be removed, removing the source does not fix a home, marriage, or the addiction. I believe often as in many sins there are demonic attachments but in most cases it is just us giving in the wishes and desires of our flesh. The best cure is truth and this is usually very hard with unknown consequences from family, church, work, or friends. Often the wives of men viewing porn promote their victimhood to a level to further demoralize the man caught in this vicious trap which brings further condemnation and shame with no help for anyone. Truth and love can heal it all, the hurts and addiction. If a couple can be 100% truthful and make the choice to really live out I Corinthians chapter thirteen, they can make it. The more the truth gets out to loving friends and family the faster the healing can take place.  The Bible says “Confess your faults, one to another.”  Too often we making public confessions, one to many and this is a recipe for more condemnation with no love.


So Much More

There is so much more that could be shared.  This is not a simple subject. Just the Biblical foundation of our sexuality is a lengthy undertaking. Please view the links and season your life if you are a victim with love and if you are a porn addict, look for the real love around you and start releasing the truth.  If you have personal questions of situations please private message me.